No matter how much you prepare for joining the motherhood, you’re going to find yourself doing and experiencing things that you probably didn’t expect.
All mothers have to do questionable things from time to time, especially in the early years, so here are 36 things every mum has done in the first three years of motherhood – you’re not alone!
1. Eaten your children’s Halloween sweets.
If you’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating, eating some of their sweets is like a tax.
2. Ignored a dirty nappy until your partner comes home so that they can deal with it.
Because sharing is caring, right?
3. Questioned why you ever chose to have kids.
Of course, you love your kids, but on days where you’re incredibly stressed and they have liquid shooting out of every orifice, no one can blame you for questioning your choices.
4. Ran errands just to get out of the house.
We all need a bit of me time and, if the only place where that can happen is Tesco, we’re not here to judge.
5. Let your child play with a toy in a shop even though you know that you have no intention of buying it.
You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to postpone the tantrum.
6. Licked a dummy to clean it.
It’s quick and effective.
7. Eaten your kids’ chewy vitamins.
They’re healthy and delicious. Win win.
8. Played ‘who can be quiet for the longest’.
It’s an effective game – if only it worked on adults.
9. Eaten your kids’ leftover food.
Who says Turkey Dinosaurs and baked beans isn’t an appropriate meal for an adult anyway?
10. Hidden something in the bin that you didn’t want your kids to know you’ve thrown out.
Because you know they’re not going to notice it’s gone anyway, so why go through the tears and tantrums?
11. Dislodged an item from your child’s nose.
Probably a Tic-Tac, a piece of Lego, or a bit of food.
12. Cleaned your kids’ faces with spit.
It’s just a mum thing.
13. Forgotten important facts about yourself.
Your birthday, your NI number, your name…
14. Eaten on the toilet so that you didn’t have to share.
It’s such a cliche, but we’ve all got to do what we have to do.
15. Got emotional when looking at photos of your child.
They’re just so cute when they’re not wreaking havoc.
16. Worn clothes with your kids’ wee/vomit/spit on them.
It’s like wearing a badge that says “I’m a mum”.
17. Lied about your child’s age to get them free entry.
Well, if you can get away with it…
18. Cried in public.
There’s no shame in that; having kids can be overwhelming.
19. Caught vomit in your bare hands.
Because you have cat-like reflexes.
20. Had to use an alternative swear word to express yourself in front of your kids.
Sugar, flip, and crud are all great examples of this.
21. Fished your child’s possessions from out of the toilet.
You don’t know how they do it, but everything will have been down the loo at least once.
22. Lied about it being bedtime.
On those days where you can’t wait for some peace and quiet.
23. Had a failed attempt at a parenting technique you found online.
You can’t trust everything you find online and you certainly can’t trust your kids to co-operate with everything.
24. Put off using the toilet for so long whilst with your children that you almost wet yourself.
Putting your kids first isn’t always for the best!
25. Misdiagnosed your child with a life-threatening illness.
The internet is a scary place.
26. Sniffed a nappy to check whether or not it was clean.
It’s just the most efficient method.
27. Cleaned poo out of the bath.
Because ‘accidents’ happen.
28. Made empty threats.
Of course, you’re not going to leave without them if they don’t put their shoes on, but they don’t know that.
29. Had to say “get that out of your mouth”.
It may as well be your catchphrase now.
30. Opened a packet of food in the supermarket before buying it.
Sometimes you’re just that hungry.
31. Google searched how to clean X out of X.
When it comes to even the weirdest of stains, Google is your friend.
32. Bought expensive clothes for your kids only to see them get ruined the first day they’re worn.
Honestly, what’s the point?
33. Finally got some time for yourself and spent it doing chores.
It still counts as me-time if you’re doing it on your own.
34. Mopped up bodily fluid from the floor.
Sometimes even your own.
35. Claimed to have no sweets in the house so that you could eat them.
With your kids having so much energy, you need the sugar rush more than they do.
36. Implemented a reward system for your kids but scrapped it soon after.
They seem like a good idea in theory, but who can really keep them up long-term?
Can’t remember what life was like before kids? Check out our Life Before & After Kids: The Reality infographic for a friendly reminder.